How to Buy Cheep Beer
Things I learned in college
Ok, here’s my plan. I’m going to buy a whole beer company for pennies on the dollar.
First I need to find out who runs advertising at the company I want to buy. Uber-woke blue-hair virtue-signal-barfing artsy advertising exec types? PERFECT. I’ll start constantly hounding them that their company isn’t woke enough and is oppressive and evil and needs to do more to make a difference. Arrange for them to get in contact with trendy influencers of the wokest most oppressed variety. Teach them that since they know better than everyone else they should both use their position to promote virtuous ideas in a way that helps society. They wont be able to resist the siren song of loudly taking credit for a gigantic nationwide virtue signal. Assume the feckless CEO’s and executives won’t have the courage to resist their foolish ideas.
The stage is set, the ingredients are mixed, the seeds are planted. Sit back and wait for the recipe to produce magic.
Upon bearing fruit spread the outrageous story thru conservative outlets to whip up an angry response. The hard part is done. Now I just sit back and watch as the company I was considering buying is getting discounted more and more every day.
After 6 - 12 months I can buy it for pennies on the dollar. Sell off a bunch of it and re-brand what’s left as something catchy like “Super Ultra Patriot USA Beer” company. Maybe I will hire some Ultra conservative as a mouthpiece CEO and throw in lots of flag bikini girls with guns into the new ads.
I will have the existing infrastructure, distribution and supply chains in place already. They will be very ready to get back to work. My supply vendors will be starving after 6 months of down time. They will be willing to sell me my beer ingredients much cheaper. My old workers will be desperate and take a pay cut. My drivers will be lined up around the block. I can wipe out any competition I have by selling my new “USA is Number One Beer” cheaper than any other beer and still be making a huge profit.
There ya go. Boom. Free beer baby!
I just need to research which people are most indoctrinated thereby easiest to manipulate.
I need some woke useful idiots to push the agenda and take the fall.
I need sniveling CEO’s and executives too spineless to resist the ideas.
I need to know which non-woke conservative influencers will get mad.
If only there was a massive database available where everyone posts cat pictures and proudly brags about the level of social mental illness they suffer from. Then I could study that data and easily profile these types. I will pick my companies by finding those easiest to destroy. Companies with imbecile assets already embedded.
After getting this beer plan cooking I’m thinking of targeting one of the major retailers, haven’t decided which yet, also one of the large entertainment companies could use some re-writes.
Eventually I’m gonna have free beer, free groceries, free household goods and free movies.
What do you think?
Pick a beer that doesn't taste like piss, tho
Support your local microbrewery.